Baby Crone

Four years of loss, surrender, caregiving, and the unexpected woman waiting on the other side.

Been a hugely long time since I’ve offered up a big share...

(Before I dive into things, please know that at the end, I offer a way for us to be together in a new kind of prayer field. Scroll to video, if you’d prefer to skip the writing.)

The last 4 years have been the longest exercise in letting go, dying to the old ways that no longer suit me, total surrender to the currents of life, and… actual death.

It started in 2022, as the life I knew started to unravel. Marco and I spiraled toward a breakup. I had to let go of my home-sweet-home, the partnership I was overly attached to, my sense of family… all the foundational pillars of my life. I had to find me again. And it turned out it was a more whole, sovereign version of me. Woohoo, time to fly, right?!

No, dear Julie.

As soon as Marco and I reunited, my parents started to rapidly decline. I sat with my Stepfather as he took his final breaths. We took my Mom into our home, and I began an 18-month journey of caretaking my dearest loved one as she disappeared further into the dementia rabbit hole.

All the while, perimenopause. The unraveling of maidenhood, motherhood, and the old strategies I relied upon. Letting go of fawning, emotional labor, and the belief that I must consistently please in order to be worthy of love.

Seeing those inherited patterns alive in my mother, now before me each day, and recognizing that I am the first woman in my lineage with the capacity and awareness to break the cycle and choose differently.

Deep, deep rites of passage that are still teaching me daily.

And what is rising up?

I don’t know if I can properly articulate, as it’s all so new.

But, I like it. I like her.

She is more bold, more real, more upfront.

She is more playful, relaxed, clear.

Baby Crone Julie.

I am not seeking perfection anywhere anymore, including from myself.

I love the sunshine that pours out of me to everyone I know and love, even though it is now framed by wrinkles and pudges and all all the evidence of a life fully lived.

I love how my partner’s warm hand still seeks out mine, and often… even though we still stumble through conflict.

I’m deeply appreciative of our home, our little crystals and collected feathers on various windowsills and dressers… even though I still recoil in horror at the state of our garage.

My friendships are like cozy slippers with rubber soles… comforting and warm, yet sturdy enough to take me through the muck. I no longer try to avoid the muck.

And then there’s my Spirituality…

My connection to God...

It’s very different in this era. I can’t remember the last time I prayed a formal prayer, and felt a tingle. It’s taken a while to feel comfortable with this shift. Who am I without this?

I tried the other day with a client, seemed like the right thing to do… it all felt a bit hollow. What felt richer was the entire session of deep connection and inquiry. I would have rather stayed in connection to the expression of God that was right in front of me.

My holy trinity used to be prayer, meditation, visioning.

Right now it is presence, connection, and curiosity.

To be clear… any holy trinity is valuable, but that’s where I’m at now.

Ironically, I feel more like a Practical Mystic than I’ve ever felt.

My spirituality has flesh and bones on it now… it has mud squished between its toes. It knows both life and death.

Oh I’m still woo-woo as all get up, don’t you worry 😆

I walked straight into a giant hawk feather the other day, and immediately looked up “spiritual meaning hawk feather.”

But this Baby Crone Julie wants to BE with this moment, rather than SEEK the next one. What does that look like? I’m still finding that out myself!

For now, I don’t feel like doing prayer trips. I’m not motivated to write long blogs on the nature of God/Universe. I don’t even want to “Counsel” people.

I just want to BE with you.

And maybe we laugh. Maybe we cry. Maybe we just enjoy a simple moment of connection. Somehow, this feels deeply spiritual to me.

I’m trying out something new this New Moon… a new way to pray without the need for ANY words. 3 connected breaths together, holding YOUR intention, and BEING TOGETHER.

If you’re game, join me by watching the below video… (and be in a quiet place where you can fully drop in with me for 1:41).

BEFORE you watch this video, know the intention you would like for me to hold with you.

Are you ready to know more of love, of abundance, of health? Are you calling in more experiences of joy? (You could also just BE with me, with that as your intention 💛)

Condense it down to a short sentence: I now say yes to _________.

Now watch this video, BE with me, and BREATHE with me.

Did you do it? Did you breathe with me?

If so, what was your experience? I’d love to know. You may share in comments below.

If you would like to do this on the regular, with me and other Practical Mystics, I have a free experiment going on over on WhatsApp. You may join anytime, simply reach out to me (message me here), and I will send a link.

And to ALL… I send my love to wherever Life has you, whatever curriculum you are facing, whatever holy trinity is plugging you more fully into the experience of Love itself.